This decision has been on my mind for weeks. I applied to Covenant College in the middle of June to see if I could get in. I prayed that God would let me in if He wanted me to go, but He would close the door if He didn't want me to go. But I didn't realize that it would be this hard. I started thinking, and I thought about how I wouldn't know anyone there, really, and I began to feel insecure. I started thinking about all the friends I will be so sad to leave behind, how important and close they are to me, and how impossibly difficult it will be to leave them.
It's so easy for me to confuse myself on what God wants me to do. I try to figure out if it's one of my own selfish motivations, a trick of the devil, or sincerely a call from my Shepard. Gadzooks! How am I supposed to KNOW - for sure and certain - that this is what my Lord wants me to do? Well, I've prayed and I'm trusting that He will bring me through it. I don't even know what I want to major in or anything. Even though I know I'm leaving for college (what?? I'm not old enough for this! That phrase seems like it's reserved for people older and more mature then me... I'm going to be a college girl??) I still have no idea where I'm headed, in the real scheme of things, the big picture. The closer and closer I get to actually leaving, the more and more reluctant I get. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited, even happy, but at the same time I'm terrified. I feel like I'm digging in my heels, but God is calling me forward. I pray I have the courage to follow Him.
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