Rest

Thank you, Lord, for this break! It came just in time. I would say that my first semester at Covenant was a success. It was rough - I just got back from the doctor, telling me that my body literally can't handle that much stress. Next semester I can't work as much.. But aside from my body not functioning correctly, things turned out well. I know I'm where God wants me. I don't love Covenant, but I think I will. I'm generally satisfied with my grades, I've made some great friends, and great memories too. I'm still not sure where I'm headed, what major to pursue, but I'm excited about the classes I'm signed up for next semester. And I think they will help me decide which major to choose.
I love being home and seeing everyone, but the semester is catching up to me.. All I want to do is sleep. Even when I'm around my best friends it's hard for me to find enough energy to be talkative. Hopefully this break will be really restful and I can prepare myself for next semester.
Rest is what I need.
It's nice to be able to step away from everything I've been focusing on and rest knowing I did my best. My Savior got me through it all. His grace kept me afloat the whole time, and I never had reason to doubt His love for me.
I can't wait to celebrate His birthday! Have a very merry Christmas, and enjoy this advent season!

Hannah's Triumphant Prayer

My heart rejoices in the Lord,
my horn is lifted up by the Lord.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
because I rejoice in Your salvation.
There is no one holy like the Lord.
There is no one besides You!
And there is no rock like our God.
Do not boast so proudly,
or let arrogant words come out of your mouth,
for the Lord is a God of knowledge,
and actions are weighed by Him.
The bows of the warriors are broken,
but the feeble are clothed with strength.
Those who are full hire themselves out for food,
but those who are starving hunger no more.
The barren woman gives birth to seven,
but the woman with many sons pines away.
The Lord brings death and gives life.
He sends some to Sheol, and He raises others up.
The Lord brings poverty and gives wealth;
He humbles and He exalts.
He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the garbage pile.
He seats them with noblemen
and gives them a throne of honor.
For the foundations of the earth are the Lord's;
He has set the world on them.
He guards the steps of His faithful ones,
but the wicked are silenced in darkness,
for a man does not prevail by his own strength.
Those who oppose the Lord will be shattered;
He will thunder in the heavens against them.
The Lord will judge the ends of the earth.
He will give power to His king;
He will lift up the horn of His anointed.
1 Samuel 2:1-10

Life as a Tea Light

This past weekend I went to the MTW Global Missions Conference with several people from Covenant. It was pretty good. My favorite parts were when everyone got together and sang and worshiped in the huge exhibit hall. It was wonderful to hear everyone singing together, and there were some great sermons. One especially struck me - a missionary from Germany spoke about being a light to the world. He demonstrated by lighting a little tea light on stage and cutting out the lights. All 2,070 people in the room were quiet and focused on the light. We could all see it, even the people in the back. His point was that we underestimate what one little light can do, or one pinch of salt, or yeast... I don't think we realize the impact we have on the people around us. I know I often get discouraged because I don't think I change or affect anyone. His sermon encouraged me - we won't always see the impact we have on other people, but we still do affect them. I just need to focus on being a light to the world, a blessing to those around me, and trust God to let my actions and words change hearts, brighten days, and reveal His light to the world.

Over the summer a lady asked me to model for her. Two hours a day, two days a week, for about two and a half months. I was so flattered. I even got paid! This is the end result. I went home for the "unveiling party" at the Grove Arcade downtown a few weekends ago. I was all dressed up, there was wine, and delicious chocolate truffles and cupcakes - a classy affair. It was a very bizarre experience. I didn't feel rich or high class enough to be there.. And the people that commissioned the painting were ecstatic to meet me. I felt famous. People were pointing across the room at me and looking at the painting. My sweet parents took me and my sister to Carrabba's afterwords. It was a pretty strange but good day.

Late Night Roommate Double-Date

Last night I went with my roommate and another girl and her roommate on a roommate double-date to see the Owls of Ga'Hoole movie. It was actually really cute! The animation was beautiful. It was a lot of fun! We ate a ton of popcorn and laughed a lot. I really like those girls. Afterwords we stopped by a Taco Bell, and ate on the way back up the mountain. I didn't get any food, but one of the girls let me have a few of her nachos. We somehow got into a serious discussion on the way back, about how the world was giving us an entirely false view of who we are and should be as women... We can't follow the world's expectations and rules. One of the speakers for chapel here specifically said that women were made for men, and that was their whole purpose. Eve was made to keep Adam company, because 'it's not good for man to be alone.' I believe that we are to keep men company, and our hearts long for that, because we are made to want it, but I believe our primary purpose is to serve and glorify God. Assuming that women were made for men, our lives would be completed the moment we get married. But no man will ever fulfill me. Only Jesus can do that. After chapel that day, I heard many conversations in the Great Hall during lunch about the lecture - hardly anyone agreed with it, and I know several people who were really upset by it. I was created by God for himself. I was created for a purpose, and part of that purpose may possibly be to get married and love, support, and be a good wife to my husband, but my primary purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
Not all of this came up during the conversation, but it started me thinking. I really enjoyed hanging out with these girls!

True College Student

Two nights ago I pulled my first all nighter! I am now an official college student. We had a hall event going on from 7-9 (and it was a really big deal! And pretty fun) Then after that, I got dinner with a few friends, then came back and started on a 5-7 page paper due the next morning at 9. It was also my mid-term. I had worked on it a little the past few days, but I really hadn't had time. I spent all night sitting in the commons, took a 45 minute nap at 6 in the morning, finished and printed the paper at 8:50, then turned it in at 9. Then I went back to my room to study for my spanish midterm later that day. I took an hour nap before the class, finished studying, then took the test. And did rather well on it, I think. The rest of the day I spent cleaning up our hall from the event the night before (we had decorated it like ancient egypt, and there were branches and a lot of odd stuff lying around) and doing homework. I went to bed around 8:30 last night and slept for 14 hours straight! It was wonderful. Except I slept through my english class....
Today I found out I got a 98 on my math test!!! =)

Jazz on the Overlook

Last friday night we had a dance called "Jazz on the Overlook." It was wonderful. A live jazz band played in front of the fountain, everyone danced on the overlook, with the twinkling lights of Chattanooga shining below us. The atmosphere was so romantic and relaxed. It felt like something from a movie. I dance several dances, and sat out a few, and took some pictures, and got to know some people I had never met before. It was fun to dance and watch other people dance, and even just to stand and listen to the music and feel pretty. I realized I really like parties like that. I love to dance. I joined the ballroom club! So maybe I can learn to dance properly. Last week we learned how to swing, but I couldn't remember enough of it to do it well at Jazz...
I got to hang out with my brother a lot, too, and it was nice. I haven't seen him in a while, and we got to catch up a little on each others lives. He's a cool cat.
It is beautiful here on the mountain. The leaves are starting to change, and the weather is warm! I am loving it. God has made such a beautiful world!
That is my weekly update. I wonder what's in store for next week?

Agape

I love the new church I've found! New City East Lake is a church plant from New City Fellowship, and it meets in an elementary school cafeteria. The chairs are plastic, and after the service everyone helps stack them up again. Every week we sing at least one song in Spanish, and the music is amazing! The musicians are incredibly talented, and the style is jazzy, latino, and sometimes bluesy. The kind you clap and sway to. The pastor is inspiring and expresses himself plainly. And I find that almost every week, the sermon has something to do with whatever I've been struggling with the past week.
Today's sermon was about love. Agape. God's love for the undeserving, seeing something infinitely precious in it's object. Pastor Pickett talked about how love is instinctive because God is love, and we all desire it. But part of the problem is that we desire to be loved, but we are called to love first.
John 13: 34-35. "A new commandment I five to you, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." He talked about how part of loving is taking initiative. I tend to let other people take the initiative, saying I'm an introvert, and I don't do the whole 'outgoing' thing. We need to pursue our brothers and sisters in Christ out of love. "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."
1 John 4:16-17 "So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world." We need to be fully present and engaged. Everyone has been hurt by someone, and our next instinct is self protection and emotional distance. I am guilty of this too. I am too careful. I want to learn to love without restraint, to love the way God loves me. Who am I to hold back when He has given me everything out of love?
Ephesians 5:1-2 "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Be imitators of Christ. Legalism is impossible with agape. We need to respond freely. He calls us to sacrifice and love freely, not because we have to.
Be relational. Be honest. "There is nothing more artistic then to love other people" - Vincent van Gogh. We need to visibly demonstrate the love of Jesus - "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 15:35

Worship

Today we had a wonderful chapel. Reverend Sunder Krishnan spoke to us about worship. I didn't have a notebook with me, so I couldn't take notes, but this is what I remember...

Worship is for our benefit. Rev. Krishnan talked to us about how God doesn't need us to worship him - we don't praise him to puff up his ego. He commands us to worship him, not for his own self fulfillment, but because it changes us. Krishnan used the analogy of a beautiful national park that he and his wife visited. He talked about how the mountains and rocks and trees were all so beautiful, and they just stopped and stared at everything, and how they would never get tired of looking at it. Then he asked us, "What if we had stayed inside, playing videos and watching tv? The park would have been just as glorious and magnificent without our awe an praise, but WE wouldn't have benefited from it. We wouldn't have been changed and awe-inspired."
His second point is that we become like what we worship. He gave an example of his dad, who, because he was Hindu, worshiped idols for 80 years. He said his dad hardly ever spoke, and didn't care about anything. Nothing mattered to him. And then three days before he died, he accepted Christ as his savior. His family had never seen him more alive then in those last three days when he was dying of cancer in the hospital. When we worship something 'dead,' any idol, we die a little. But when we worship the true and living God, we become more alive.
His third point is that we live out worship in everyday life. He said the secular use of the word is more accurate then the way we use it sometimes - "Why do we say praise and worship as if they were two separate things? Or why do we say we like the sermon but not the worship? or the worship but not the singing? They're the same thing." He gave an example of someone who loved sailing, and bought a sail boat. If someone said, "Oh, John worships his boat," we would all know what they meant. It would mean that John loved his boat, and wanted to spend as much time with it as possible, and always read about sailing, and got magazines, and took classes, and cleaned it, and talked about sailing a lot, and told stories and experiences - that John finds his greatest joy in life when he is sailing. Worship doesn't just mean going to church once a week, but it's everything we do. If we enjoy a good meal because we appreciate it as a gift from God, that's worship.
Rev. Krishnan had more points, but I can't remember them all... I just wanted to write down the ones I do remember and share them with you all =).
God Bless!

Christ is All

O, Lover to the Uttermost,
May I read the meltings of thy heart to me
in the manger of thy birth
in the garden of thy agony,
in the cross of thy suffering,
in the tomb of thy resurrection,
in the heaven of thy intercession.
Bold in this thought I defy my adversary,
tread down his temptations,
resist his schemings,
renounce the world,
am valiant for truth.
Deepen in me a sense of my holy relationship to thee,
as spiritual Bridegroom,
as Jehovah's Fellow,
as sinner's Friend.
I think of thy glory and my vileness,
thy majesty and my meanness,
thy beauty and my deformity,
thy purity and my filth,
thy righteousness and my iniquity.
Thou hast loved me everlastingly, unchangeably,
may I love thee as I am loved;
Thou hast given thyself for me,
may I give myself to thee;
Thou hast died for me,
may I live to thee,
in every moment of my time,
in every movement of my mind,
in every pulse of my heart.
May I never dally with the world and its allurements,
but walk by thy side,
listen to thy voice,
be clothed with thy graces,
and adorned with thy righteousness.
- Valley of Vision

Welp! I'm finally here! It's exciting and somewhat scary, but it's happening! My parents left this afternoon, but I'm pretty sure it hasn't hit me yet... I just got back from a crazy game of spoons with my hall mates! We put the spoons down the hall - it was intense. I'm still trying to remember names and faces, and get the courage to talk to people, but it's getting better, and I'm sure after tonight's 'shadowlands showdown' we'll know each other a lot more intimately! The food here is surprisingly good, and my room is pretty large too, which is great! With the help of my RA, DC and roommate, we rearranged it yesterday afternoon for 'maximum capacity.'
Whenever you think about it, pray that I will not be so consumed in myself and that I would concentrate more on investing in people instead of people investing in me. I miss everyone back home... God bless you all!
Love, Marianna

I'm Beginning A New Adventure

I'm beginning a new adventure. It's scary, exciting, I'm sure it will be fun and difficult. Only three more days till my life completely changes. And it will never be the same again.
At first I was terrified and could only see the sad things about that statement, but now, the closer it gets, the more excited I become. Which is most definitely a blessing from God. I've started packing this week, which has made the reality set in. But it also is fun to pick out what to bring, and buy new things for my own 'home away from home.' I bought a fish last night, to bring with me! His name is Ferris, and he's blue/silver, shiny, and pretty. I am so busy, thinking of everything I need to bring, writing a paper, already trying to avoiding the freshmen 15, saying goodbyes, and planning my room... it's exhausting! I was somewhat hoping for a restful last week at home, but it's not to be.
Sunday at church I said most of my goodbyes, and some even before that. It was hard. I started crying a little on the way home, to be honest. That is definitely the hardest part - saying goodbyes. On my wall across from me is a poster with pictures of all my friends and favorite memories. It makes me sad, but it also encourages me - an example of God's faithfulness to me. If He was faithful in high school, He will also be faithful in college. I can't ask for more. He loves me, and that's all I need.

My weekend in Pictures.

Spain wins the Fifa World Cup!! Jesus was my favorite...
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me! We were captains of our own ship, Tipsy. It was a gorgeous weekend, the sun shining and the wind blowing just enough for us to take Tipsy out on a few voyages. I love our adventures!

Mmmmm. No adventure is complete without sunchips.

God blessed us with a wonderful weekend, complete with some theological discussions about Him, life, the universe, and everything. He has blessed me with some wonderful friends who encourage my walk with Him. It was so nice to have a (somewhat) relaxing weekend, and to be able to spend time with my family and friends; sailing, the world cup, midnight swims, midnight snacks, and tons of laughing. It was just what I needed to encourage and refresh me. And God did that on purpose. Thank you, Lord!

Decisions, decisions... How I hate thee!

This decision has been on my mind for weeks. I applied to Covenant College in the middle of June to see if I could get in. I prayed that God would let me in if He wanted me to go, but He would close the door if He didn't want me to go. But I didn't realize that it would be this hard. I started thinking, and I thought about how I wouldn't know anyone there, really, and I began to feel insecure. I started thinking about all the friends I will be so sad to leave behind, how important and close they are to me, and how impossibly difficult it will be to leave them.
It's so easy for me to confuse myself on what God wants me to do. I try to figure out if it's one of my own selfish motivations, a trick of the devil, or sincerely a call from my Shepard. Gadzooks! How am I supposed to KNOW - for sure and certain - that this is what my Lord wants me to do? Well, I've prayed and I'm trusting that He will bring me through it. I don't even know what I want to major in or anything. Even though I know I'm leaving for college (what?? I'm not old enough for this! That phrase seems like it's reserved for people older and more mature then me... I'm going to be a college girl??) I still have no idea where I'm headed, in the real scheme of things, the big picture. The closer and closer I get to actually leaving, the more and more reluctant I get. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited, even happy, but at the same time I'm terrified. I feel like I'm digging in my heels, but God is calling me forward. I pray I have the courage to follow Him.

Thunderstorms at the Sea

I love the Sea. I am so blessed to be able to come and enjoy what God has made for us. I have had an awesome time with my family here at the Outer Banks, spending time on the beach, at the pool, watching the World Cup games, and traveling to a nearby town to see the sights. And today I experienced something amazing. We were sitting inside cheering for Portugal (and Ronaldo!) and eating sun chips (that's for you, dearest friend! =) during the hottest part of the day, when a storm came up outside. It was stunning. Huge clouds rolled in, thunder clashing and lighting flashing.. Our family sat outside on the porch and watched the show. Glory to God our Creator!
"The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world." Psalm 19:1-4

Nights lit by Fireflies

Last night I had some friends over and we watched Anastasia (the creepiest Disney movie I have ever seen...) and ate donuts. Afterwords we went outside and kicked around the soccer ball and chased fireflies in our field... It was a beautiful night - the moon was shining, and the stars were out. Fireflies are one of the coolest creations.
It was somewhat of a goodbye party. My friend is leaving for camp for EVER and I might be leaving as well, so for me, it was kindof a sad little party. But I'll try not to dwell on the sad things, but on "whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things." (Philippians 4:8b) That doesn't mean I'll ignore the sadness I feel, but I won't let it bring me down, or ruin the good things I do see.

Recently I've made it a goal to be more optimistic. Realistic, but to focus more on the bright side of things. I'm trying to limit the number of negative things I say each day. My words should be encouraging to people, not drag them down. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
-Ephesians 4:29

To be grateful

Why is it so hard to be grateful?? I don't understand. That is my biggest pet peeve.
I know I am ungrateful too sometimes. There are so many unhappy people in this country, and it's because we have this outlook. People think that they deserve everything (L'Oriel - "because you're worth it." Burger King - "Have it your way." Etc etc..) "it's always about me." To be honest, I believe that's how most people think now, and it drives me crazy. We are brought up to be so self centered, and I hate it. We believe we deserve everything, and when we don't get it, we think it's unfair. And when something good does happen to us, we don't appreciate it enough, because we think we should have had it all along, and then we begin to covet something else. We are never satisfied.
I don't know how to battle greed and selfishness.. I have a fairly simple phone, I don't have an ipod, and I try not to go shopping too often... but this mindset is so deeply embedded in our culture it's hard to shake off. Maybe it's because of the knowledge that we don't, in fact, deserve anything but hell that it bothers me so much. Not to sound cliche, but it's only because of Jesus' grace that we have been put here on this beautiful earth with all His gifts and love. We just get distracted by all the unimportant things and, feeling empty and unhappy, we try to fill the hole with even more idols. As the Elder Zosima says in The Brothers Karamazov, "The world says: "You have needs - satisfy them. You have as much right as the rich and mighty. Don't hesitate to satisfy your needs; indeed expand your needs and demand more." This is the worldly doctrine of today. And they believe that this is freedom... To consider freedom as directly dependent on the number of man's requirements and the extent of their immediate satisfaction shows a twisted understanding of human nature, for such an interpretation only breeds in men a multitude of senseless, stupid desires and habits and endless preposterous inventions. People are more and more moved by envy now, by the desire to satisfy their material greed.. Do you really think that such men are free? It is not surprising that instead of freedom, they lapse into slavery, that, instead of promoting unity and brotherhood, they encourage division and isolation.. That is why the idea of service to mankind and brotherly love has been dying out in the world.. for what can a man do who has become the slave of innumerable needs and habits he has invented for himself? He lives in his separate little world and does not care about the great world outside. The result of all this is that, today, when more material goods have been accumulated than ever, there is less joy."

"Every blade of grass, every bug, every ant, every golden bee, knowing so amazingly what to do, without intelligence, reveals the existence of God's mystery and continuously demonstrates it to us." The Brothers Karamazov

This last weekend, I went with my family and a few friends to my family's lake house, and we had so much fun! I went running with my dad and sister, and then everyone went swimming. It started raining in the afternoon, but eventually we went outside and played airsoft in the storm anyways. It was the epitome of adventure, as the movies tell us, to run around in the forest, rain and thunder raging on, with guns in our hands pretending to fight for our very survival.. and it was quite thrilling, but I have the feeling, if I hadn't seen gorgeous people in attractive outfits who said cool lines doing the same thing, I doubt I would have felt the same way about it. Don't get me wrong, I had a blast, but I realized (once again) the impact movies and tv shows (LOST!) have on us mortals. Monkey see monkey do. I have re-resolved to be careful with what I watch.. Not to say that all violence in movies is bad.. I don't believe it is, I just want to keep it in moderation, because I know that what we see affects us, even if we don't always realize it.
Well, that's my semi deep thought for the weekend. Goodnight!

Cherry Adventures

Good afternoon, everyone! Right now a thunderstorm is raging outside, and I am sitting comfortably inside. Recently I've been realizing how much nature brings me closer to my Lord.. Earlier this afternoon I went outside and picked cherries. They are so beautiful when they're still hanging on the tree! I eventually climbed the tree to get more (and felt like I was 9 again) and ended up just sitting there, enjoying God's creation. I could see the clouds forming to the south, but the sun was still shining above me, and the birds were singing... just the way I like it. And I remembered that He made all of that for me. It's quite a cheering thought. Plus I have a bowl full of cherries to enjoy. I might even make a pie...

In other news, I'm contemplating learning to play the cello! I have to learn more about it, but I hope it works out. I've wanted to for a while, but recently I went to an orchestra concert, and now I want to even more.

My brother and I were talking about the changing future, and we realized that we have a similar dream (inspired by the same book! A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken - If you haven't read this book, slap yourself right now. Then go read it). I want to buy a boat with my husband and live in the Caribbean. Whenever we need to buy something, we would just have to stop by an island and buy what we need, maybe work for a few months, then off to set sail again, into the sunset.. And then after a year or two of that, who knows? I want to live my life to the fullest. Christ gave his life for mine, so I want to put it to good use, and hopefully I will be courageous enough to do what he asks of me. While I am young and healthy, I'll do my best to enjoy what he has given me. Adventure is out there!* (movie references, of which there will be many in my posts, will be marked by a star. See if you can figure out what movie the quotes are from =)